Must Haves

I’ve mentioned a few times the book Date or Soulmate? by Neil Clark Warren.

I have done a study of this book in my Wednesday Night Singles group at church. Neil Clark Warren, the books author, is also the co-founder of e-harmony, another online dating service similar to match. Although the book’s material didn’t lead me to choose their website for my online dating service, I was still able to gather a lot of information from fully going through the material. I would recommend this book for anyone interested in dating. You are able to really decide what things you really need a partner to have and want things you must avoid in order to have a healthy relationship for you. It doesn’t need to only be used by people seeking a spouse- you can put these same filters for use, regardless. After putting in some serious thought, I came to several “light-bulb moments” on why some of my previous relationships didn’t work.

The book covers the 50 most popular Must Haves, and advises that yours may not be on the list, but to add it to your list. As we’ll see in an upcoming post- one of my Can’t Stands was one I had to write!

Some examples of the top 50 are: Artistic, Organized, Conflict Resolver, Abstinent, Sexually Adventurous, etc.

For me, I had 22 of the top 50 checked in my book. those would be traits I would like to see in a partner. You are then asked to narrow that list to the top 10, and the top 5 (in the top 10). I will include the definition from the for the terms on the words I’ve chosen, for your reference, dear reader.

My top ten Must Have traits:

1) Sense of Humor- I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.

2) Chemistry- I must feel deeply in love and attracted to my partner.

3) Intellectual- I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues, like who’s the greater wizard Gandalf, or Dumbledor?

4) Adaptable- I must have a partner who is able to adapt to life’s surprises.

5) Stepchildren- I must have someone who will accept my children as his or her own.

6) Staying In- I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having some quiet evenings alone or with close friends.

7) Autonomy- I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.

8) Spirit of Volunteerism- I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.

9) Family Life- I must have a partner who is committed to me, home and family. (The book actually says “marriage, home and family.” but I am not sure I want to be married again.)

10) Relaxed- I must have a partner who is able to forget about money and focus on the important parts of life.

I am looking forward to sharing my can’t stands with  you in my next post, and I can’t wait!!! to tell you all about my first date! I did it- I ACTUALLY WENT ON A DATE!

Darcy, Aragorn, Sam, Heathcliff, Gatsby, Westley, and…

I am not a fan of romance novels. I’m not a fan of fantasy novels. I’m a fan of developed characters, and fantastic stories. Many a single lady has dreamed of the day their Mr. Darcy would rescue them. The patron saint of single ladies cried over Mr. Darcy on this very Christmas Eve!

Now, I am no Bridget Jones. I am nowhere near as FABULOUS as she is, nor am I blessed to have the humor she does with the failings in the romance department.

I fully recognize that all of the people I reference are fictional characters (none of which I own) and do not exist in the real world. But it is still fun, nonetheless, to daydream of a love like one that inspires songs, poems, and novels.

I once had a passionate affair, and I confessed to my lover that, because of him, I know now how and why those lines were writ. Even now, with this writing bringing that occasion to mind, I’m a bit light-headed and dreamy-eyed. He turned out to be a married lying liar, and all he had said was lies and deceit. Back to the point, I would wager that people of romantic sensibility desire those feelings to be pulled from inside their very spirit (but with truth and love, unlike my experience).

So I began to purposefully daydream about some book romances, and would I desire for my beau to love me in the way the man in the scenario did?

Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

Impossible to choose between those two screen images of the even better book character. Would I want my “Frodo” to love me like Darcy loves Elizabeth? Upon my word, yes! I could not speak more favorably of my estimation of him. I verily state I would give him my heart.

Aragorn (Tolkien)

Would I desire my love to love me like Aragorn loves Arwen? A love to wait lifetimes for! Arwen was over 2,000 years old when they met. Aragorn and Arwen stay faithful to each other despite great distances of time and space. Their love saves each other. So, that’s a yes.

Samwise Gamgee

I don’t recall Sam saying that quote in the book (please correct me if I am wrong). Regardless, love for his old Gaffer, and the Shire sustained Sam, and thoughts of her lightened his heart. Although sweet- I shoot for higher.

Heathcliff: He doesn’t even get a photo. Asshole be crazy. Ain’t nobody want crazy love! And even fictional characters that think this story is healthy are crazy! (I’m lookin’ at you, Bella Swan!)

Jay Gatsby:

While not quite AS obsessed as Heathcliff, he still loves unhealthily; caring not what destruction he causes as long as he gets what HE wants. PASS

Westley:

“As you wish.” The first romance I aspired to as a child. Still holds a sweet spot in my heart. I would agree to a MAWWIAGE with Westley.

Finally, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, the love story I love the most:

I cannot write long enough or eloquently enough to describe my love for Snape’s love for Lily. Yes, he had failures in it. His love shows, that love- true love- can persevere through being passed over. He showed his love for her through his life and through his death.

I have a long road to find my “Always.” I’m not sure if it will be on match.com, or if it will be with a fellow who scored high enough to warrant for date expenditure. The one thing I know, it isn’t going to happen at home, alone, blogging.

“I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can’t turn back. It isn’t to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want – I don’t rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire.” The Fellowship of the Ring