Must Haves

I’ve mentioned a few times the book Date or Soulmate? by Neil Clark Warren.

I have done a study of this book in my Wednesday Night Singles group at church. Neil Clark Warren, the books author, is also the co-founder of e-harmony, another online dating service similar to match. Although the book’s material didn’t lead me to choose their website for my online dating service, I was still able to gather a lot of information from fully going through the material. I would recommend this book for anyone interested in dating. You are able to really decide what things you really need a partner to have and want things you must avoid in order to have a healthy relationship for you. It doesn’t need to only be used by people seeking a spouse- you can put these same filters for use, regardless. After putting in some serious thought, I came to several “light-bulb moments” on why some of my previous relationships didn’t work.

The book covers the 50 most popular Must Haves, and advises that yours may not be on the list, but to add it to your list. As we’ll see in an upcoming post- one of my Can’t Stands was one I had to write!

Some examples of the top 50 are: Artistic, Organized, Conflict Resolver, Abstinent, Sexually Adventurous, etc.

For me, I had 22 of the top 50 checked in my book. those would be traits I would like to see in a partner. You are then asked to narrow that list to the top 10, and the top 5 (in the top 10). I will include the definition from the for the terms on the words I’ve chosen, for your reference, dear reader.

My top ten Must Have traits:

1) Sense of Humor- I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.

2) Chemistry- I must feel deeply in love and attracted to my partner.

3) Intellectual- I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues, like who’s the greater wizard Gandalf, or Dumbledor?

4) Adaptable- I must have a partner who is able to adapt to life’s surprises.

5) Stepchildren- I must have someone who will accept my children as his or her own.

6) Staying In- I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having some quiet evenings alone or with close friends.

7) Autonomy- I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.

8) Spirit of Volunteerism- I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.

9) Family Life- I must have a partner who is committed to me, home and family. (The book actually says “marriage, home and family.” but I am not sure I want to be married again.)

10) Relaxed- I must have a partner who is able to forget about money and focus on the important parts of life.

I am looking forward to sharing my can’t stands with  you in my next post, and I can’t wait!!! to tell you all about my first date! I did it- I ACTUALLY WENT ON A DATE!

At the Council of Elrond

At the Council of Elrond strangers from distant lands were called to gather to decide the fate of the one ring. I have similarly gathered with my single girlfriends over the past several weeks to tell them of my decision to date.

This was a shocking change to them indeed. Now, they weren’t as shocked as Boromir was to hear Isildur’s tale, but they were interested in the video that changed my mind. After watching Amy Webb, they understood a little bit more, and were excited to tell me their online dating stories.

I wrote down a lot of their feedback on the different dating sites. I also learned about the way paid sites work. It was a bit of a shocker that the 3/6/12 month contracts that had monthly fee were actually charged at once. That puts a different spin on the cost for me. As a single parent, I have a strict budget. I will need to figure out if I can afford to date!

The main paid sites under my consideration are Match.com, eharmony.com, and Christianmingle.com. I gave some serious consideration to eharmony. I have read the book Date or Soulmate by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, and have my “must-haves” and “can’t-stands” defined. The target market for eharmony and Christianmingle feels a bit more conservative than I am. And a bit more serious about dating only with the altar in mind. Because of that, and because of positive comments about the ease of use and large active user base, I decided on match.com.

How long will it take me to find an elven king that looks at me like Sam looks at Rosie?