Tag Archives: Harry Potter

International Men of Mystery

I went on two dates in one day.

Did I just type that?

Did it really happen?

Me, the girl on a <embarrassing number redacted> month dry-spell, went on two dates in one day. I almost can’t believe it. I’ve never been a serial dater. I’m no femme fatale.

Number one: We’ll call him “Uno” for a few reasons. First, he was … the first… date of the day. (One, Uno, First, first; sigh) Second, as I’ll explain, he’s first in my heart.

Number two: We’ll call him “Two” for the obvious reason, and a less obvious one; he’s a little shitty.

2

Uno has been on my radar for a while. I first met in him August, at a community event. I was introduced to him because his buddy was dating my buddy. They told me ahead of time, “he’s a little nerdy.” I said, “that’s just my type!” And when I saw him, I knew! From then on out, I dressed especially nice for events when I may run into him. I checked into him through mutual friends, and confessed my crush. I facebook stalked him. I turned into a middle-schooler. In November, I passed my phone number to him through the buddy, but the answer I got was he had someone he was interested in already. I was bummed. I had to face the humiliation of telling all the people I confessed to that I was passed over.

Nerd

Well, as we know, I joined match.com. Somehow it got back to Uno that I was out there dating! And Uno decided to do something about it! In the rush of a few days, me, Uno, buddy and buddy were all going to meet for a drink! Now it’s serious. Get-a-babysitter-shave-your-legs serious. Truth be told, I told my buddy that Uno was more of a “bikini wax” candidate rather than a “shave” candidate.

touch

I googled the place we were going, and it had its own parking lot. That posed a problem in itself. This is all trivial stuff, but exceedingly important to me, as I wanted to make the best impression I could. Parking lot meant I should get my car washed and try to make it appear that I don’t purposefully fill my back seat with McDonald’s bags. The parking lot added an additional problem… my driver’s side door is broken. I have to roll my window down and let myself out. So I needed to get there early, but just in case, I called my buddy to fill her in so she could come gallantly open my car door.

All that turned into a non-issue as I parked on the street, and was the first there. I felt at ease and was ready to make the best impression. He arrived and the date was wonderful.  He was charming, but didn’t brag. He was funny, but self-effacing. As we walked out together, he placed his hand on the small of my back, and my knees went weak. I floated away with heart-shaped eyeballs, and wanted to cancel the later date with Number Two. I was ready to start my pinterest board for the wedding with Uno, and to plan our ski vacation.

shag

I did go on the second date. I had to eat, after all. At first glance, Number Two would have done much better if he wasn’t following Uno. As time passed, though, more of what he said and more of his behavior became problematic.

Number Two is very well-read. He reads several hours a day, and is a published author and poet. He was able to go toe-to-toe with me on many of my favorites, and many movie quotes, but the first bad sign was that he “couldn’t make it through” LOTR or Harry Potter, but HAD read Twilight AND 50 Shades! Number Two is a loud-talker. I don’t normally have a problem with that, but we were in a quiet restaurant, and he proudly pronounced his 50 Shades reading.

zip

I asked him if his books were works of pure fiction, or were more biographical. I had, of course, googled his books, and knew their subject matter. They are about a man who falls in love with a woman while they are both confined in a mental institution. He said they were close to the truth. ok. He then went on and on about Hunter S. Thompson, and how ‘no-one’ does drug and alcohol abuse right like Hunter S. Thompson. ok.

dangerous

His stories, though, were interesting. He had hiked Nepal and was able to summit peaks on 2 continents in his adventures. He had been in real estate in NYC, lived in the Hamptons, and was able to make me laugh. I was enjoying myself and ordered dessert. That’s when it happened. He ate from my dessert, without invitation. And not just once with a clean spoon- he double dipped his dirty spoon in my bread pudding.

how about no

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was ready to go. I tried wrapping up the conversation. The restaurant was closing down. I brought that to his attention.  The valet brought his keys to him, as he was leaving for the night. I kept waiting and waiting for him to pay the check. All I could think of was Amy Webb getting stuck with the $1300 check on her date. It was going to be me! How much was his wine!? WHY did I order the duck?! I can’t afford this dinner!

million

I couldn’t take it anymore. I finally said, “I’m sorry. I must go.” He stood up and walked towards the door. This was the moment. The moment I was going to get stuck with the check. I stood at the table with the bill. I was pulling out my credit card.

The waitress, the dear, dear waitress stopped him at the door and asked him so politely, “Would you like me to run your card for you, sir?” She saved me. He stammered an excuse- he thought the folio was his napkin.

riiiight

Outside he asked for a hug and for a second date. Since I already knew I wasn’t going to go on another date with him, I submitted to the hug.

not a hugger

Follow up conversations were brief. He asked me to go see some Elvis impersonators, and I let him know I think we would better off as friends. He handled it well, so well that I haven’t heard from him, and that suits me fine.

talk

What hasn’t suited me fine is waiting on Uno. In the week after the date I waited by the phone for his call. And waited. And waited. I continued my facebook stalking research.

I didn’t hear from him.

I reached out to him, and apologized for my delay. I asked him for a second date. He kindly turned me down, and explained that he had someone else he was interested in.

honestly

Who is this woman, and what does she have that I don’t have? Machine gun jubblies? Was her name Allota Fagina? I felt a spark! We had a connection! I expanded my research and gathered the details on this fem-bot. Turns out she’s a tall, blonde, snow-skiing, ivy-league educated PhD. Well, then. If I’m going to be chosen over, at least it’s on those qualifications.

I wrote a kind response to Uno, and let him know it was all “fine.”

quotes

In the meantime, I’m still dating up a storm from match.com. Being desired elsewhere worked once, maybe it’ll work again!

yeah

Must Haves

I’ve mentioned a few times the book Date or Soulmate? by Neil Clark Warren.

reading

I have done a study of this book in my Wednesday Night Singles group at church. Neil Clark Warren, the books author, is also the co-founder of e-harmony, another online dating service similar to match. Although the book’s material didn’t lead me to choose their website for my online dating service, I was still able to gather a lot of information from fully going through the material. I would recommend this book for anyone interested in dating. You are able to really decide what things you really need a partner to have and want things you must avoid in order to have a healthy relationship for you. It doesn’t need to only be used by people seeking a spouse- you can put these same filters for use, regardless. After putting in some serious thought, I came to several “light-bulb moments” on why some of my previous relationships didn’t work.

delum

The book covers the 50 most popular Must Haves, and advises that yours may not be on the list, but to add it to your list. As we’ll see in an upcoming post- one of my Can’t Stands was one I had to write!

Some examples of the top 50 are: Artistic, Organized, Conflict Resolver, Abstinent, Sexually Adventurous, etc.

For me, I had 22 of the top 50 checked in my book. those would be traits I would like to see in a partner. You are then asked to narrow that list to the top 10, and the top 5 (in the top 10). I will include the definition from the for the terms on the words I’ve chosen, for your reference, dear reader.

My top ten Must Have traits:

1) Sense of Humor- I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.

laugh

2) Chemistry- I must feel deeply in love and attracted to my partner.

trust

3) Intellectual- I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues, like who’s the greater wizard Gandalf, or Dumbledor?

vs

4) Adaptable- I must have a partner who is able to adapt to life’s surprises.

5) Stepchildren- I must have someone who will accept my children as his or her own.

harry room

6) Staying In- I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having some quiet evenings alone or with close friends.

7) Autonomy- I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.

eliz

8) Spirit of Volunteerism- I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.

9) Family Life- I must have a partner who is committed to me, home and family. (The book actually says “marriage, home and family.” but I am not sure I want to be married again.)

10) Relaxed- I must have a partner who is able to forget about money and focus on the important parts of life.

family

I am looking forward to sharing my can’t stands with  you in my next post, and I can’t wait!!! to tell you all about my first date! I did it- I ACTUALLY WENT ON A DATE!

Is this The Daily Phophet or The Quibbler?

quibdaily prophet

I enrolled one of my hiking buddies to help me take some staged pictures. Because it was 25 degrees (f) and, in my opinion, entirely too cold to hike, I dressed the part of a hiker and paired my smile with a red scarf.

scarf

We then dashed to my house and staged a Christmas photo.

yuleballs

I was really thrilled when 30 seconds or so after my photos were associated with my profile, I already had an email. Although I was prepared to follow Amy’s directions for 24-48 hour delay in email response, I couldn’t help but open the email to read it. Color me disappointed. All the email said was, “Want some meatloaf????”

theyarenotforeating

I was so disgusted. And it didn’t end there. In the past few days, I received emails from over 20 men, and less than 5 actually appeared to have read my profile and attempted to have a legitimate email conversation. The others fancied themselves as:

ladies

Even the five I received weren’t from men that fit my must-haves and cant-stands requirements. My wise friend Barb advised me to utilize a few of those unattractive candidates to practice my email banter. She was right! I started up, and glanced over the gentlemen’s profiles and tried to follow recommendations I’ve read online. I carefully complimented, referenced a mutual interest, responded upon what they wrote and asked a leading question.

I’m happy to say the correspondence has continued with these guys, and one asked me for a date! I’m not free for another week, so I have a long time to read about “How to Appear Like You Are Normal.” This could take a while.

reading

And So It Begins

I’ve done it. I’ve published my profile.

begins

I’ve had a ton of emails on my profile! Ok, maybe not a ton. 2. I’ve had 2 emails.

2 already

They both asked for a photo.

frodo selfie

I don’t consider myself a photogenic person. I do not frequently, if ever, post selfies online. I decided to do research on the most effective profile photos for online dating, and among the directions were:

1) Solo photos. No photos including friends, children or pets. Well, all my photos include those.

selfie

2) Wear red, and if possible, red lipstick. I don’t wear red much. I have one red sweater and one red scarf. Does a Gryffindor scarf count as red?

photo

3) Show teeth.

gollum teeth

4) Be outside, and if possible, reflect activity.

teeth

After all this, and after many selfies, I decided on this:

perfect

In all seriousness, I really want this to be a successful endeavor. I did try to take some selfies. I wasn’t happy with any of them. That lead to some self-reflection that perhaps confidence is a big issue for me with dating. Especially when I’m looking at some of the photos the gentlemen have chosen to post. Am I being too picky with my photo, or are they not being picky enough?

After taking some time to meditate on this, I fear that in my seriousness, I have made a mistake by not starting my profile with pictures. I have missed my first chance with many men. I want to remedy this by taking photos tomorrow, New Year’s Eve, but I am not going to post them until New Year’s Day.

I also hereby resolve to not be so serious. I have found the perfect profile photo.

smile

Prologue

Frodo had to make many serious decisions. Is Strider a true friend? Should The Fellowship attempt the Misty Mountain Pass? Through which method should they enter Mordor? Unfortunately for Frodo, Middle Earth had not entered the age of the computer, and therefore he didn’t have google to help him.

google

My first decision is choosing between a paid or a free dating site. Rather than looking at online reviews of this, I decided to ask my friends. These anecdotal responses are not scientific, but know that they are actual users and includes paid and free users, male and female, LGBT, a variety of races, never-married, widows and divorced, and those with and without children.

In general, my friends viewed free sites to be of use for those that are “less serious” about forming a lasting relationship. This does not mean that only those with serious intentions were on paid sites, but their experience was that the fee acted as somewhat of a filter. So that brought up another decision to make: do I want a serious relationship? Well, yes, kinda.

I want to stop here and define for myself, and for the reader, by what I mean by “serious relationship.” For me, a serious relationship is committed, monogamous, growth oriented, mature and healthy, and public. Serious for me doesn’t have time requirements each week. Serious is better defined by intention and dedication than by rules and check-lists.

My friend Tammy is currently “dating without expectations.” That idea is appealing to me. Being able to get to know someone without the heavy weight of their expectation that the relationship will lead to marriage is the type of dating I need. If you’re familiar with Harry Potter, in The Order of the Phoenix, Harry goes on a date with Cho Chang to Madame Puddifoot’s. It’s Valentine’s Day, and all the couples around them are kissing and holding hands. In contrast, it’s Harry’s and Cho’s first date. The pressure suffocates Harry. That’s pretty much how I feel when a date tries holding my hand walking through Target! I couldn’t even imagine facing a 3rd date with someone knowing ahead of time their expectation was the date would lead to a relationship and that it was really just a matter of time before that walk in Target was a walk down the aisle!

Credit to Yeejian.deviantart.com
Credit to Yeejian.deviantart.com

I decided that although I am not seeking “marriage” necessarily, I am seeking a serious relationship, since I do require monogamy, and I do not want a friend with benefits. Based on my friends’ feedback, I am going to go with a paid site. That narrows my field down to 1,000, right?