Tag Archives: Neil Clark Warren

Can’t stands

I wrote in my last post about my Must Haves in a relationship. These are based off of the book Date or Soulmate? by Neil Clark Warren. Similarly, I am going to share the things I Can’t Stand in a relationship, aka “deal breakers.”

As in the last post, I will include the book’s definition of what each of these terms mean. I had trouble coming up with 10 deal-breakers.

1) MY #1 wasn’t in the book. Hunting. I can’t stand to have a partner that hunts. I’ve mentioned before that I’m from the Deep South. Finding a man who doesn’t hunt is a challenge. Luckily hunters, in general, don’t bother to camouflage themselves in general society. At least not here. They certainly don’t try to hide it on match.com. They brag about it, and post their latest “enter number here” point buck.

What a lovely room of death!

2) Vanity- I can’t stand someone who is overly interested in his or her physical appearance. Don’t get me wrong, I want a guy that does care how he looks, but not one that thinks he must look better than me. Tom Cruise- types, stay away!


3) Lying- I can’t stand someone who lies to anyone- especially to me.


4) Cynical- I can’t stand someone who generally sees the world from a cynical perspective.

double hate


5) Angry- I can’t stand someone who can’t manage his or her anger, who yells or bottles it up inside.


6) Fiscally Irresponsible- I can’t stand someone who is incapable of managing his or her money.


7) Racist- I can’t stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which he or she belongs is superior to the rest of humanity.

Racist are gross!
Racist are gross!

8) Cheap- I can’t stand someone who is so tight-fisted as to be impractical.


9) Dependent- I can’t stand someone who bases his or her happiness on me.


10) Political- I can’t stand to date someone whose political goals are the opposite of mine.

TyPinG liKe Dis On FOX NEWS LoLz
TyPinG liKe Dis On FOX NEWS LoLz

I almost wish I had more than 10 Can’t Stands so that I could use more Jim Carrey images and gifs. He’s so funny and expressive. And I also wish the guys without these qualities and WITH the Must Haves would find me and scream, “I LIKE YOU A LOT!”

a lot


Must Haves

I’ve mentioned a few times the book Date or Soulmate? by Neil Clark Warren.


I have done a study of this book in my Wednesday Night Singles group at church. Neil Clark Warren, the books author, is also the co-founder of e-harmony, another online dating service similar to match. Although the book’s material didn’t lead me to choose their website for my online dating service, I was still able to gather a lot of information from fully going through the material. I would recommend this book for anyone interested in dating. You are able to really decide what things you really need a partner to have and want things you must avoid in order to have a healthy relationship for you. It doesn’t need to only be used by people seeking a spouse- you can put these same filters for use, regardless. After putting in some serious thought, I came to several “light-bulb moments” on why some of my previous relationships didn’t work.


The book covers the 50 most popular Must Haves, and advises that yours may not be on the list, but to add it to your list. As we’ll see in an upcoming post- one of my Can’t Stands was one I had to write!

Some examples of the top 50 are: Artistic, Organized, Conflict Resolver, Abstinent, Sexually Adventurous, etc.

For me, I had 22 of the top 50 checked in my book. those would be traits I would like to see in a partner. You are then asked to narrow that list to the top 10, and the top 5 (in the top 10). I will include the definition from the for the terms on the words I’ve chosen, for your reference, dear reader.

My top ten Must Have traits:

1) Sense of Humor- I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.


2) Chemistry- I must feel deeply in love and attracted to my partner.


3) Intellectual- I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues, like who’s the greater wizard Gandalf, or Dumbledor?


4) Adaptable- I must have a partner who is able to adapt to life’s surprises.

5) Stepchildren- I must have someone who will accept my children as his or her own.

harry room

6) Staying In- I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having some quiet evenings alone or with close friends.

7) Autonomy- I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.


8) Spirit of Volunteerism- I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.

9) Family Life- I must have a partner who is committed to me, home and family. (The book actually says “marriage, home and family.” but I am not sure I want to be married again.)

10) Relaxed- I must have a partner who is able to forget about money and focus on the important parts of life.


I am looking forward to sharing my can’t stands with  you in my next post, and I can’t wait!!! to tell you all about my first date! I did it- I ACTUALLY WENT ON A DATE!