I have been at it for a little over a month on Match.com. Napoleon Dynamite is a great movie to explain my experience so far with online dating. Every day I visit the site, see my matches and decide to whom I am going to respond.
It’s a bit of a repetitive cycle, but I feel I’m #winning.
One of the obstacles I knew I would have is clothing. I’m not a wealthy person, but I try to do what I can within my budget to look trendy and cute. I solved this problem by resolving to wear the same outfit on each first date; a wrap tunic, leather look leggings and suede booties. I feel like I respect my modesty by being covered, but still look alluring.
That worked out really well UNTIL I had two dates in one day (luckeee!) AND the second date was dinner at a super-fancy restaurant (sweet!). I tried to use gold bracelets to make me look official, but that didn’t dress up the casual outfit enough. I planned to bring my next set of clothes and make a quick change at a nearby Panera into a cocktail dress. I’ll update you on both of those dates in another post. The outfit, though, continues to work, and I will keep using it on first dates.
The other half of the clothing issue is what the men are wearing. I’ve been on two blind dates in the past, before using match.com. One of the two of them dressed appropriately. Match.com does not have that success rate with clothing. Just looking at the profiles and pictures makes me want to sing Beyonce’s Upgrade U song to them. I know Lafawnduh helped Kip out with his wardrobe, but I really don’t want to put the effort into cleaning a closet out of all it’s Affliction shirts and camouflage.
On these first dates, I am learning a lot of skills:
The guys have a lesson to learn, though:
Each guy I have gone on a date with has asked me for a second date. YESSSSSSS! I haven’t gone on any second dates, though. These first dates have been good practice for me, but there were definitely “red flags” on each of the dates (save one) that discouraged me from following through. I decided to break the dates and I stayed in last weekend.
Even though I voluntarily made the choice to stay in, it was still a bit of a let down. I spent my time working out and going out for healthy meals with my friends, but I was a little sad that I used my kid-free time in that manner, when I have so little time to date. I spent some time reflecting on my dating choices, what’s working, who I responded to, who I’ve blocked, and what I would like to change in my process.
I think my problem is the first impression from my profile and photos isn’t attracting the people I’m interested in. I still need to convey that I’m fun, and somehow appear more attractive in my photos, while not only attracting bar flys. Maybe I can get a bike and take it off some sweet jumps.
Second, I think I should spend more time chatting/emailing with guys before I go on a date with them. On two of the dates, it didn’t take me long to figure out that the most we were going to be is friends. I should definitely follow Kip’s lead and chat more.
I’ve come to these conclusions, but don’t know how to transition my ideas into reality. And beyond that, I don’t know how to take that flippin’ sweet profile and have it generate the man of my dream. I guess until I have those ideas, there’s nothing left for me to do but DANCE!